During the Bad Stinky Dark Years (2008 until about a minute ago), people were losing their homes and hanging onto soup cans as potential currency. Now the HGTV channel has us convinced that things are better. They’re throwing the house p*rn at us right and left, from couples who decide they want a more simple life in Nicaragua than they have working at, like, jobs in San Diego, to angry people disgusted with their real estate agents if they don’t get four bedrooms, adequate green space and a view of Paris and big en suite bath (neutral tiles of course).
Remodels are bigggggg, HGTV also wants you to know. These redo’s are never just “my boiler broke and there are more raccoons living in my leaking attic, help me, you big delicious Cousins Undercover!” Hell no. In HGTV’s Healed America 2013, your family will SOS the beefcake cousins as soon as they find out you’ve been somehow living in that house of yours without a wall-size built-in glass-backed wine rack capable of holding 80 bottles. Whaaaaat? We’ll save you! Worried about health insurance? Pshaw! Stop your whining and get in line: the House Hunters are leading us out of the economic night terrors two by two in search of open concept floor plans and walk-in closets. Lowe’s is probably melting with bliss.
Sure, there may still be mold, cracks and a choice to Love It or List It, but that’s life, isn’t it? HGTV teaches us that if you keep on whistling and walking and demanding, you will make it to your new open concept with fireplace bedroom and lavish backsplash and Income Property too. Go HGTV! And PS: if your hosts can fix these houses up this fabulously on those tight budgets, maybe Scott McGillivray and Hilary Farr and should be running for Congress right about now? (Oops, he’s Canadian and she’s British. Damn it. Back to the Cousins!)